Maybe whilst that "catching up" process takes place, the social skills of your average home-schooled kid *DO* appear totally out-of-kilter with, and 'wrong' when compared to, the social skills of your typical ex-public school kids.
Hannah
Answers:
Good thinking.
My son went to public school until he was in 8th grade. We took him out the first few weeks of 8th. He has many home school friends. I honestly do not see any difference in his home school friends and his public school friends. I think they all act weird.
I think the reason that it is an issue here on line is because people respond without actually knowing any home school kids.
Sometimes parents take kids out of public school because they are having problems with the social scene and they would have been lacking in social skills whether they were home schooled, private schooled, public schooled or whatever. The same with kids who never meet a stranger. Nail up the doors and windows and keep them at home and they will manage to make friends with the mice or something.or use their cell phones and Internet to chat with anybody that will talk to them.
we're considering home schooling...I give you a lot of credit for doing such important work.
I don't think so, because public school student typically think that way of private school children, you know the ones that have a curfew, have to dress up everyday in suits and ties...
Yes. Social Learning Theory states that children also learn from experience in social situations. Though they are home schooled they may still learn social skills as long as they are given opportunities to socialize among their peers... organized sports, family members (kids), neighborhood kids.
home schooling is a waste of a child's social learning skills life.
I have seen students coming into the public school system that cannot function socially along with other students.
They didn't know how to share things,take their turn in activities etc..
My best friend and I home-school her little sister and have found nothing wrong. She has group sessions once a week to have questions answered and lessons given, and they interact with each other on normal levels, like all the other children their age. The rest of the time she's schooled at home. However, her education is far above that of a public school, and the class sizes are much smaller.
That being said, I don't think home schooling is what sets children out of synch with their peers, relationship-wise. I think what does it is the fact that until group homeschooling began being popular, children were taught by themselves in a one-on-one environment either with their parents or a tutor. Without contact with their peers, they begin to relate to adults as their peers, and thus miss out on several developmental relationship stages that they would ordinarily have. This can make them seem nerdy or geeky to their age-group, and coupled with a better education... Well, future Urkles in the making, no offense meant.
The fact is that kids need to be kids. When they only hang around with adults, they don't really get that chance, and get put out of step with ordinary child development. There's a whole psych study on it somewhere- I wish I could find the silly thing. Until then, these links should do it.
I can buy into what you say. My daughter is homeschooled and when she joins activities that are populated by public school kids, she isn't impressed. I haven't been either. Public school kids may have more social mileage when it comes to spending time with other kids, but they have had less exposure to adults (25 to 1 ratio) and adults are the ones who teach the rules of appropriate social interaction.
As an adult, I don't spend much time interacting with children, other than my own, so knowing what to do around other kids isn't all that important. Most of one's life is spent deal with adults.
Amen.
I agree with you in principal, and it does hold true for the majority of home schooled students, however depending on the situation both sides can lack in social skills, or social graces.
Young people can be limited on either side depending on what they are allowed to be exposed to by their parents, this goes for both schooled and home schooled children.
Most parents who have their children in public school limit their children's world to the class rooms at school, school activities, and their peer group, whereas home schooled students have no such limitation placed upon them.
If you take your children everywhere starting at a young age; include them in all daily activities; take them to all kinds of social gatherings, rather than placing them in a daycare, or other facility, the probability of your children being able to speak too, work and get along with people of all ages increases by leaps and bounds.
Since "home" -- "schooling", means including children in every aspect of daily family life, as well as providing for the needed academics, I do agree that home schooled students have a major head start in this area.
I think it's because they are UNION sympathizers who view homeschool as "outsourcing."
"I have seen students coming into the public school system that cannot function socially along with other students."
proving nothing about ANYONE other than those very students themselves. what a massive failure of imagination to conclude that must be the unvarying result of all home schooling.
Hmmm... that's odd. I've found that home schooled kids, especially older ones (high school, middle school aged) tend to have more mature and sophisticated social skills than public school kids of the same age.
It's not just the KIDS from public schools that think homeschooled kids are awkward. Adults in the community at large think so, too. It depends on the student and the kind of teaching he/she has received.
There are as many reasons people homeschool as there are people doing it. Among the reasons: some homeschooling is a medical necessity, some is a parental choice, and some is because the student doesn't have the emotional maturity to cope with public schools.
When people (any people) interact with homeschooled kids, they do so without knowing WHY that choice was made for the student. There are enough odd kids out there to stereotype the group. I think this is what often happens.
My son has Asperger's and we have him in public school because we want him to experience real life situations. When we found out he had Asperger's we at first wanted to shelter him, but we found that this was not good for him. Now he learns how to function in all situations and i think he is better for it. Ultimately a child's education is up to the parent who determines what is best for their own child.
Social skills are good, and you don't have to go "other" places for them. Your family life teaches you everything you need for the outside world. It teaches you how to be responsible, care for children, school children, cook, and learn how to converse in many different styles. You learn how to talk to adults and children (not just peers).
Should social skills really be on the top? Sure, you have plenty of socializing people out there. But what about academics? The point to school is learning. Is it learning how to shake someon's hand? Is it learning how to date? I could do those without much thought. It's those things that put an astronaut on the moon that matter the most---that is when it comes to school.
And yes, homeschooled kids are nerds. Being smart isn't impeding anything.
Yeah, homeschool kids and their weirdness/lack of social skills. Every time I take my 12 year old out in public I get comments on how weird she is. Old people, waitresses, clerks in stores all comment. "Oh my, your daughter is so polite, she opened the door for me, she says thank-you, she shares, she talked to me in such a caring manner, she is so understanding." It is totally shocking. A kid who opens doors for others and is polite and actually talks to adults. They all talk about it. WHY IS THIS SO UNUSUAL!
That's exactly it, Hannah. Not necessarily in every case, but I suspect in a lot of cases. Homeschooled kids are labelled geeks because they enjoy learning, not because there's something wrong with them. They are labelled weird because they don't necessarily try to be 'cool' and in the latest fashions or they don't have the same interests (basically, they're individuals instead of being a replica of those around them). They are seen as lacking in social skills because... well, nobody's really given a clear explanation. One person said that they experiences were different so they had nothing to relate to. I'm sorry, people still have friends and interests and families and can still relate that way. You can still establish a conversation and a relationship with people from a different country even if your experiences are different. Homeschoolers aren't necessarily interested in talking about the same kinds of things so they'll end up not saying anything if they're outnumbered and that's seen as a sign of 'being too quiet'.
You just can't win!
I know from working with homeschool families for nearly 20 years now that there are significant differences in how these kids, as a group, work and interact with others. They tend to be more mature, and they tend to be more respectful. They tend to think beyond what's directly in front of them, considering things like consequences in situations where their public school peers may not.
Certainly these traits would set them completely apart from most of their peers in public settings. I don't believe this is a negative for homeschoolers, although apparently some think it is.
Looking at my own public school experience, I know that kids in school tend to share opinions of adults that are not flattering. Let's face some generally accepted observations: children are getting less civil towards adults, and popular culture does not encourage honoring those who are elder. Our society is so focused on youth that I believe they have come to a level of self absorbtion that hasn't been seen since perhaps the fall of Rome. Not only are the young obsessed with it, but older generations are as well...and so the babyboomers prove with every hydration cream and botox usage...being elderly simply isn't sexy, is it?
Getting back, then, to your idea, children that have more respect for parents, or perhaps simply will listen to people that are older, will appear VASTLY different from those in the general public. When my kids were younger, we regularly received comments on their good behavior. When we went to the library, they were the ones who were actually quiet...when we went to the store, they would actually listen to us; when they dealt with other people, of all ages, they were polite. Simple stuff that has fallen out of fashion in our greater social order in the public school system. It is truly wonderful, and yet sad as well, to see the look on an elderly lady's face the other day when my son helped her get a large watermelon from the bottom of a big cardboard box of them at the store. I saw SEVERAL young, capable males that walked by her, completely unseen by them. My son saw her and offered to help. He's weird that way.
One last comment about something said here, about how things were until homeschooling was done in groups...I don't know how long that person has been homeschooling, but we never used a group for schooling. We participated in group outings (our homeschool group experiences were vast when our kids were little!), but we didn't need a homeschool co-op or group learning setting to socialize our kids. You can be a kid and get taught by your parents just fine.
Our kids spent HOURS of imagination time when they were little. They had as much fun as any kids I know...and they got a decent education, and they are socially very capable...overly capable, sometimes (try calling me sometime.the phone is busy). Keep in mind, this public school thing is relatively new, and a creation of the industrial revolution. Do some study on the Prussian influence on public education in the US. It's interesting reading. You might have an even better insight as to why people think homeschooled children are "weird".
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Yes, I think you are on to something.
Oh, and I gave a thumbs up to the person who described her son with Aspergers syndrome. I would not have made the same choice, and I don't really think of school as the only pace to experience "real life situations", but I agreed strongly with her statement that the education was up to the parents, their choice about what was best for their child (I paraphrased it), this is what homeschoolers have been saying for 20+ years. I am glad to see that someone aside from a homeschooler acknowledges that.
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