What do you suggest of my intro/thesis statement??

AP writing assignment: In a well-constructed essay, compare the philosophies of Ralph Waldo Emerson in his excerpt from "Self-Reliance" and Margaret Fuller contained by her excerpt from "The Great Radical Dualism."

Intro:
Two phenomenal transcendentalists, Ralph Waldo Emerson, author of “Self-Reliance” and Maragret Fuller, feminist author of “The Great Radical Dualism” both enunciate on the philosophy of individualism. Emerson reveals that all individuals should realize that they could one and only rely on themselves and to trust their own instincts. While on the other hand, Fuller enhance on the idea that women have the ability to do anything men could do to accomplish spiritual and physical nouns in which they are entitled to.

Tell what you guys have a sneaking suspicion that!
I need several opinions..my trainer is really picky on this essay..
If its not specific and relevant enough...please relief me try to make it better?
okay gratefulness! :D


Answers:    Two phenomenal transcendentalists, Ralph Waldo Emerson, author of “Self-Reliance” and Maragret Fuller, feminist author of “The Great Radical Dualism” both enunciate (Enunciate means to speak clearly. You requirement to use a different word here.) on the philosophy of individualism. Emerson reveals that all (remove "all") individuals should realize that they could(change to "can") individual rely on themselves and to trust their own instincts. While(remove "while") on the other hand, Fuller enhance (Enhance means to clear something prettier. Use a different word.) on the idea that women has(should be "have") the means to do anything men could(can) do to accomplish (insert "the")spiritual and physical independence surrounded by which they are entitled to. ("independence to which they are entitled.")

FYI: Could and Can do not be set to the same piece. "Could" implies that a entry may or may not happen. "Can" imply a person is competent to make things occur. Also, watch your noun and verb agreements.
You don't own a thesis. YTou single have an intro sentence.
But it looks accurate to me...

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