How do you tell your13-year-old child that she has Asperger's syndrom without breaking her heart?

I would be 100% honest with her. I would tell her as much as you know about it, and if you don't know a whole lot about it, then learn about together. Help her as much as you can about any questions/concerns she may have. Perhaps join a support group such as a local Autism Society chapter, then you both can talk to adults of kids with Aserperger's and she can also talk to kids her own age that have it as well. This will help her understand as to why she may feel or see that she is somewhat different in other kids her age. I don't think hiding anything from her will help her. It wouldn't be good for her when she gets older to find that her parents/guardians were hiding information from her about herself. She needs to know so she can help in being prepared when she becomes an adult. But I also feel it is very important to let her know that having Asperger's is no means the end of the world. She can live a very normal life when she becomes an adult. She shouldn't look at it as a disability, but as a gift. Everyone is unique in their own way regardless if they have a disability or not. Having Asperger's is just one of the several things that make her unique.
If she has been diagnosed by a professional, you might want to get together with him/her when you talk with your daughter. I believe that would make it better all around. Glad you are getting help for her now, while she's so young. I am familiar with Asperger's, and its no laughing matter. Still, much can be done that was not possible at at earlier time. Good luck.
aspergures kind of sounds like ***-burgers. try saying that to get her to laugh. say 'you have *** burgers'. then when she's laughing, tell her what it really is

Go to have all kinds of groups. I'm sure there is one for Asperger's syndrom.

Best of luck
My 6 year old also has Aspberger's syndrome. We have him in a mainstream class with someone to help him with everyday tasks. When was your daughter diagnosed with Aspberger's? What are some of her stress re leavers? When my son gets in an environment that he is unfamiliar with, he starts to count with his fingers, and makes strange faces. I know that I didn't answer your question, but maybe I shed some light?
Ideally, this should have been something that was discussed since she was small, instead of waiting for so many years. Now, a good way is to share information about Asperger's syndrome with her in a way that she can understand and in a positive tone. This shouldn't be a negative thing- it's part of who she is and should be embraced. You can explain to her that it is just part of who she is, like her brother has to wear glasses, etc. You can try the national autism and asperger's association at or an autism/asperger's support group in your area. Giving her information, keeping it positive and not acting like this is a life-altering occurrence will help, but this will most likely be traumatic for her to find out at this age. Good Luck!
Are you serious ? Why should that break her heart ? My 8-yr. old knows he has autism, but, he's also in classes for advanced learners. Asperger's is high-functioning autism.
First, get all the information you can about Asperger's Syndrome. It is not a death sentence. There are positives about the traits associated with the syndrome. Some of the classic Asperger's traits may also work to the benefit of your teen. Teens with Asperger's are typically uninterested in following social norms, fads, or conventional thinking, allowing creative thinking and the pursuit of original interests and goals. Their preference for rules and honesty may lead them to excel in the classroom and as citizens. Some traits that are typical of Asperger's syndrome, such as attention to detail and focused interests, can increase chances of university and career success. Asperger's syndrome is a lifelong condition, although it tends to stabilize over time, and improvements are often seen. Adults usually obtain a better understanding of their own strengths and weaknesses. They are able to learn social skills and how to read others' social cues. Many people with Asperger's syndrome marry and have children. Many respected historical figures have had symptoms of Asperger's, including Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, and Thomas Jefferson.
Don't let it break her heart! Some things will be harder for her, but there are so many wonderful things about your daughter too!

With my son, he had been having trouble with friends and organization for a while (he was eight), so it was such a relief for him to know that he wasn't just 'stupid' or 'bad' (which he had picked up from everyone's response to him). I took him out for lunch and we ate together, just he and I. When the time seemed right, I brought up school and some of the problems he had been having. I commiserated, let him complain a bit, and reminded him of his appointment/evaluation with the psychologist. I told him that the psych decided that he had aspergers syndrome, and we talked about what it was. He was honestly happy to know, and we talked about some of the things we would be doing to help him with his problems. We talked about some of his qualities that made him a special person. These discussions are ongoing, all the time, to help him feel better.

One important thing, he DID try to use that as an excuse when he first found out. "I can't help it, it's the aspergers". I did not let him get away with it one time, if he honestly had trouble with something, I could understand and help him, but there was no way I was letting him slack lol! ;-)

Good luck and God bless.
maybe talk to the school counseler. they know how to work with things like this
You know I went and look what asperger's syndrome is and looking at the symptome I have 10 out of 11 of the symtoms and i'm 14 so it wasn'nt hard on me now I know more about myself. Which makes it easy for me to know why things happen to me in my past years (I now know the reasons why my ex-girlfriends dump me) I coudn't ready there body language. I think if you showed her the symptoms she might get a more understanding of why she act's like the way. She probably will get answers about herself when she is with other people. did you know that famouse people have it there is Mosarts, Albert Einstein, and Thomas Jefferson. They have it and look there famouse and respected.
aww i am so sorry!
Try direct and to the point. Its important that she accepts her condition so that she can get therapy. The good news is that being female, she will have a lot less trouble than male aspies.

Anyhow, don't use metaphors or jump around the bush.
At 13 this is so hard. They are at the point where their self image is being developed.

I would be totally honest with her. Answer all of her questions if you can. Have lots of reading material on the subject for her. Make sure it is on her reading level. Find others her age with the same diagnosis and get her involved with them.
Had I been told at 13 I would have been thrilled. She's well aware that she's been evaluated, and that she sucks with social things. You're not telling her she has aids or cancer, you're telling her that her brain is wired different (or at least not like an NT's brain). Let her run up your credit card in books and read all about aspergers. Try to stick with books written about autism and aspergers in a positive light. She doesn't need to feel any more different than she already does.

As long as you don't seem all depressed about it, she'll be fine. Talk to her, get books, and let her focus on her interests as much as she wants. Don't make her feel like there is something wrong with her because she has Aspergers, and don't worry about what 'caused' it. Just stay positive, and find some aspie groups online for her. I know she's young, but myspace has some great groups.

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