Calling all English Teachers And Students Pleaseeee PLEASE Pretty Please Help!?

Question:Ok i am in year 8 and i got a Level 6- which isn't the best and i am aiming to be one the the best!!
My writing is not too good and i find reports really hard.
I took quite a long time writing this please PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE!! would you check it and tell me if this is a suitable way to write a report:
How much would you give me out of 30? Thanks..


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Answers:
Hello, after reading your article i can see a few things that you could possibly add to make it even better. I would, first of all grade you at around a Level 5/6 on this piece of work, i would mark it at around 23/30, but that would depend on what marking scheme is being used.

First of all, there's nothing wrong with the article, but it could be better. Remember, you can use Bullet points in a report, even in your exam this is fesible because a report doesnt have to be continuous prose. Your use of headings is good and you use appropriate use of a colon; but be careful not to overuse this as the examiners will probably see that you have learned how to use on writing device and played on it. Reports are ideal articles to make use of semi colons which link two related or even unrelated topics in one sentence.

e.g. Improvements would include, offering a wider range of books; making the shop look better.

Semi colons give a type of formality to a 'list.'

You should also never start a conclusion under a heading 'Conclusion:' you should start the sentence with

'In conclusion, Finally, Therefore I believe.etc'


Remember to PEE- make your point, give your evidence and explain it.

E.g. Not many children shop in the book shop, according to the manager; in order to attract more children the shop could..

You should approach your English teacher about this; if you want to get the top levels, and you do have the ability to do so after reading your work and they could ammend you on other aspects of your work. I'd be pleased to have such a student.
You need to change some things and I cant tell you what to change as a teacher SORRY:,(
Check your capitalization. I would also look up the use of colons.

Since I don't know what kind of report your teacher is expecting, or what the criteria are, I can't give you a grade or tell you if it is a suitable way to write a report.
I suggest you ask your teacher what aspects of your writing to improve on. I think you need to elaborate on a few sections of the report and edit certain parts which are unspecific and waffle. e.g. shop interior.

I agree with dolphin though, it is hard to critique your report properly without knowing what the aims and objectives are that your teacher has set. I'd rate it 19/20 out of 30. Good Luck!

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