2. Cozy... if you're Hannibal Lecter.
3. Don't mess with the middle child!
4. It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.
5. I didn't lie. I wasn't lying. I was not lying. Do you want to know why I lied?
6. Come, ice cream. Come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!
BONUS PHRASE: Forecast for tomorrow; a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!
Just the other day, I was minding my own business when my little brother came up to me and slapped me across the head for no good reason. "Why did you do that?", I asked. "Hey! Don't mess with the middle child! I'm sick of you older and younger siblings thinking you are better than me! If you aren't careful, I'll do worse to you, my darling older sister", he said. "Great!", I said, "My esophagus is now going into spasm and you're worried about how you fit into the family -- by the way, I don't appreciate you telling Mom that lie about me." He pouted his lip and carried on about how sorry he was and finally said, "I didn't lie. I wasn't lying. I- was-not-lying. (pause) Do you want to know why I lied?" "Not particularly", said I, rather bored by this whole thing. He actually looked a little sad, so I offered to share some ice cream with him, or so I thought. He scooped it up and served it as I was thinking, "Come, ice cream. Come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!" In that instant, without any warning whatsoever, he had tripped me and I went flying to the floor with the ice cream landing on my head! He just looked at me, laughed hysterically and said, "I told you...don't mess with the middle child!" It really is amazing the clarity that comes when you realize that the psychotic jealousy is within your beloved little brother and it appears that he will be forever daunting you with tricks and schemes, which is real cozy...if you're Hannibal Lecter! Did I mention we are all grown up, like in we are adults? My forecast for tomorrow: a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!
A brother is someone you can rely on, most of the time. In my case it just isn't true. We are complete opposites. I'm nice and sweet. If you walk into his bedroom the first thing you would think would be "Cozy...if you're Hannibal Lecter."
He thought we were aways trying to pick on him. Especialy since I was older. I guess I did pick on him a lot. It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy. He was always jealous I got more attention for doing everything first and of course the baby of the family got more attention for being the baby.
Once when we were little I heard him talking to himself saying, "Come Ice cream, Come to my Mouth. How dare you disobey me!" I watched him and went and took a bite of his ice cream. I started screaming. I tried to tell him, "My esophagas is going into spasm."
He just looked at me and said "Don't mess with the Middle Child!"
I ran and got our mom. She talked to him and all he said was "i didn't lie, I wasn't lying, I was not lying. Do you want to know whay I lied?" He drug it out and sounded scary. He had us all freaked out.
My mom sent him to boarding school the next week. The Last thing I heard him say was "Forecast for tomorrow, a sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!" then he looked evily at me and laughed.
To this day I have not seen him and don't plan too. A brother is not something I want...
I think I'll have to pass on this one.
The dreaded night had come upon them. Sure the home-coming dance was a chance to hang out with your friends, get all spiffied up, maybe dance with the girl, or guy of your adolescent dreams, and drink really bad punch- really bad. But for the AV guys that all translated into another night of plaid suitcoats, heart-wrenching rejection, and another boring game of truth or dare- everyone already knew that Ted was in love with Jaynie Rayka the head cheer-leader, and that the best pocket protection came from bic.
As much as the dance commity tried they couldn't convert the west wall into anything but the loser wall, for the simple reason that like a magnet there was no way of getting the sophmore chess club, the mathletes, and the four AV guys to go anywhere else. And as anyone of the people standing near the wall would tell you, the positive and the negative charges of any magnetically charged metal would no doubt come together if no stronger charge was in the way, just like that group of sad looking, but kind-hearted AV boys were not leaving that wall until oppressed upon by a stronger influence.
The topic of the night was, like any other dance night, how the florescent lights were set to glow by mercury, the latest star-trek convention, Jaynie - mostly from Ted, and who they should attempt to ask to dance.
"Truth or Dare! what will it be. . . . . . .Howard, yes. . . . I am starting off the night with Howard." Jake said with a little unsurity in his voice.
"Hhhhmmm. . . . Well we all remember what happened at the last dance when I picked dare, so I will go with Truth."
"Oh come on man- just because no one else like your interpretive dance to 'endless love' doesn't mean that you should chicken out now- think of King Aurther and his mighty sword, Excaliber- the bravest of the brave, and you cower at a game of Truth or Dare." Rodney kicked with a dramatic flare.
Ted, pulling out a folded peice of paper said with urgency "the rules specify that only a streak of 10 truths can be broken by force, other wise each has their own right to their choice, no matter how cowardly or not."
"The question is - which was the best commanding officer on star trek, Jean-Luc Picard, James T. Kirk, or Christipher Pike?" Jake said with vigor
"how can anyone pick?? I will have to say. . . . . please forgive me captain Kirk, . . . . . .Jean-Luc Picard! But in saying that you have caused me great pain in having to decide between three true heroes." Howard said after much deliberation.
Howard was just about to pick the next victom of the night when a beautiful face entered the poorly decorated gymnasium. Yes Jaynie Rayka entered and came within ten feet of Ted.
And the dare seemed inevitable, because Ted was in possesion of a ten-truth streak, and everyone at the wall was tired of hearing of the passion in his heart- even the calm chess club noticed the smirk on Jake's face as he looked over the number of truths in a streak under Ted's name and eagerly awaited Howard to take advantage of the moment.
Howard, not realizing the importance of this occasion was passing the few minutes of ted's rantings to the others about how beautiful Jaynie's hair was tonight by practicing his telacanises. "Come, ice cream. Come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!"
"Snap out if it Howard- this is our chance!" Jake said, practically yelling.
Ted was frantically breathing into a paper bag as he realized the gravity of the situation. "My. . .esophagus. . . . is. . going into . . . spasm!
"You have come to the point where your valor shall be tested, your bravery impeded upon, and your worth as a human being trialled. Are you ready Theodore Malcolm Johnson for the duty that is before you? Your Dare- that you have no choice in accepting, unless your heart stops beating, is to ask Jaynie Rayka to dance!!"
Each word was like a slap in the face.
Howard continued - "Each day you watch your beloved imposed upon by the athletes, and the jerks of our public school; her gentle sweetness taken advantage of, and her amazing mind belittled. Will you just sit by and let this injustice continue?? Will you arrive at the challenge??"
Ted had heard all that was needed. "Enough!! I accept your challenge. Don't mess with the middle child!"
The three others watched in awe as Ted walked to this long-awaited moment.
Jake broke the silences "Forcast for the evening; a few sprinkles of genius with a high chance of doom!"
"It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy." Howard remarked.
No one actually thought that Ted would ever gain enough courage to ask her to dance in a million years. Let alone have that offer accepted. You can only imagine the ackward sight that was. Especially since Ted's mother had put him through ballroom dance classes, as had Rodney's and Jake's, and he actually didn't make that much of a fool out of himself.
"Look at them go" Rodney said in marvel
"they look cozy... well, cozy... if you're Hannibal Lecter." Jake said, laughing to himself.
But then Rodney noticed the small folded up sheet of rules and marks as to the number of truths, and dares. And he also noticed black mark added to the entirely blue marked paper. The black mark appearing under Ted's number of truths in a streak. And quickly turned to Jake saying "How could you! Make us all beleive that Ted was streaked out, and telling Howard what to Dare- that is so like Lancelot turning on King Aurther! this is treachary in its highest form!"
" I didn't lie. I wasn't lying. I was not lying. Do you want to know why I lied?"
Although it was somewhat mean-spirited, the dare was deserved, and in the end it worked out pretty well for Ted- Jaynie thinking Ted was adorable, and Ted thinking Jaynie was hardly short of a goddess.
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