2. This is me leaning forward with interest.. Yawn.
3. Feeling another migrain coming on, Miss Kitty rummaged through her purse for her ... mascara.
4. Matt Dillon! What on EARTH is the matter with you?!
5. All hell done broke loose now!
6. Matt and his Sunshine remind me of ________
7. Hee Haw! A plague on both your houses.
BONUS PHRASE: Sunshine grabbed her guitar and sang DIXIE with a British accent. Rather odd since she came from Virginia!
Matt Dillon rode out to the Clancy Ranch to investigate rumors of strange goings on. Charles, the youngest Clancy brother, was raving about a stranger who had shown up plumb in the middle of the barn. He swore he was from the future. He was riding in some confounded contraption that belched smoke and made a terrible noise. Charles was scared half out of his mind. What mind he had, that was. He had always been a little off.
When Matt got to the barn he found the stranger. He was down on all fours, rummaging inside the metal thing. Matt walked up and said, "Howdy, stranger. Who are you, and how do you happen to be here?" A man with white, standing-on-end hair popped up. "Uh, oh..."he stammered. "Greetings, sherrif. Emmett Brown. Just call me Doc. I had to stop momentarily. Having a bit of a problem with the Delorean. But not to worry, I'll be on my way soon." Then he muttered to himself, "damn flux capacitor!" Just then, there was a thundering noise and a large, mean looking guy appeared on a floating board. Doc turned white. "Great Scott! It's Biff!" he shouted. "Get in, Sherrif! We're outta here!"
Matt was yanked into the vehicle. Doc floored it. The flux capacitor kicked in with 1.21 gigawatts of electricity and WHAM! "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!" Doc crowed. Matt Dillon was speechless. He got out of the Delorean shakily. "Where am I?" he asked, confused. "Ah, my dear friend, you are still in Dodge City, 50 YEARS LATER!" Dillon shook his head. "That can't be," he said, wonderingly. Just then he spotted a familiar face. Miss Kitty! She was wearing a tight fitting purple dress, but something was wrong. VERY WRONG! Kitty looked like she was 80 if she was a day. She recognized his face and ran to him. "Oh, Matt, Matt!" she said, sobbing. "Where have you been? You disappeared all those years ago. My God, it's good to see you. Oh," she said, drying her eyes, "I must look a sight!" Matt shifted uneasily. "Well, I think you look great, Kitty. I like the way the purple brings out the veins in your legs." "Matt Dillon, what on earth is the matter with you?" she wailed. "Oh my God, I'm feeling another migraine coming on." Miss Kitty rummaged through her purse for her Lortab, carefully concealed inside her mascara container. She tipped it, dumping the entire contents into her mouth.
There was another clap of thunder and Biff reappeared, hot on their heels. Doc wrung his hands. "Marty, where are you when I need you?" he cried. Matt eyed him suspiciously. Doc retorted, "Er, uh, all hell done broke loose now, Sherrif! Get back in the car!" "The what?" asked Matt. "The car!" shouted Doc. "Oh, never mind! Just get in!", he said, shoving Matt.
Back they went to Dodge City 50 years in the past, but Biff was still on their trail. Just as they got there, Biff reappeared, this time with Biff, Jr. "You can't outrun me, Doc!" Biff sneered. Doc feigned disinterest. "This is me leaning forward with interest.Yawn," he said in a bored voice. Biff was enraged. "I'm gonna get you, Doc." Doc smiled sweetly. "Hee Haw! A plague on both your houses," he said to Biff and Biff Jr. "See you around.suckers!" With a flash he was gone. A split second later, so were Biff and Biff Jr.
Matt turned around, looking for his Sunshine. He had one whopper of a headache. All he wanted was a good night's rest and the attention of a gentle woman. He found Sunshine and reached to sweep her into an embrace. Instead, she dodged his outstretched hand. Sunshine grabbed her guitar and sang DIXIE with a British accent. Rather odd since she came from Virginia!
Somewhere a rooster crowed. The sun was just coming up over the horizon. Matt sat up, rubbing his head. "What is it, Matt?" asked Sunshine sleepily. He realized then that it had all been a dream.
Later that day he ran into Miss Kitty. She was wearing a purple dress. She flirted with him, hiking her skirts just a little. Matt looked startled, then stared at her with a funny expression. "You know, Miss Kitty," he said slowly, "you should get off your feet more. If you don't those varicose veins are gonna get worse." With that, he turned and left.
Miss Kitty, keeper and proud owner of the Long Branch Saloon, staggered through the swinging doors, purple feather wilting atop her mass of messy curls. Feeling another migrain coming on, Miss Kitty rummaged through her purse for her laudinum and mascara. She tripped to the stairs leading up to the rooms reserved for working girls to freshen up.
She caught a glimpse of Marshall Matt Dillon, tall, strapping, hat tipped slightly to the left, talking face to face with that frivolous [or so Kitty thought] Sunshine!
"Matt Dillon! What on EARTH is the matter with you?!" she muttered as she climbed the stairs. "You could've had ME! Matt and Sunshine remind me of two horses in season!" she added spitefully.
Matt and Sunshine were laughing, talking about the uppity Englishman who'd arrived in Dodge City two days earlier.
"What a bloke!" Sunshine laughed.
"Sunshine, kid, I just love the way you do that accent. Can you give us another song?" Matt smiled adoringly.
Sunshine grabbed her guitar from behind the bar and sang DIXIE with a perfect British accent...rather odd since she came from Virginia! The saloon's patrons went wild, slapping knees, elbowing each other, and slamming down their whiskies.
"Aw, heck" said the feeble barkeep, "all hell done broke loose now!" Kitty, at the top if the stairs, grimmaced.
"This is me leaning forward with interest.Yawn!...that accent sounded Virginian to me." [meow]
She tripped down the stairs and weaved her way through the whooping crowd toward Matt. She still wore the purple feather, and a ridiculously ornate purple mini dance hall costume.
"Oh Matt, I am jist so darned rattled! Don't yer care 'bout me no more!"
"Well, I think you look great, Kitty. I like the way the purple brings out the veins in your legs!" he grinned, tipping his hat.
"Oh, why you!" she screamed. "Hee Haw! A plague on both your houses!" as one long-fingernailed hand pointed to Sunshine, another to Matt.
"Surely you don't mean that, Kitty" purred Matt.
"You're right, I sure don't...I'm sorry...Oh, Matt!" Kitty collapsed in a heap of purple satin, feathers and tears.
Sunshine, I hate to be a pest but when are you gonna tell us what's really going on with you and James Arness? I'll bet he likes your stories as much as I do. Probably likes you a heck of a lot too. Maybe more than likes...hmmmmm
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